What Makes a Strong Marriage

At the Wyoming Healthy Marriage Initiative (WHMI) we are often asked “What factors contribute to building a strong and lasting marriage?”  Dozens of books are written every year about the things that go wrong in marriage. What does it take to make things go right? One of America’s foremost marriage researchers has evaluated some of the things that characterize marriage strength.

David H. Olson, founder of Life Innovations and one of the creators of the Prepare/Enrich marriage enrichment tools, surveyed 21,501 married couples in all 50 states to identify the top ten characteristics of strong marriages.  Below are the strong marriage characteristics he identified.

Top Ten Characteristics of Strong Marriages

1. Partners are satisfied with communication
2. Partners handle their differences creatively
3. They feel very close to each other
4. Spouses are not controlling
5. Partners discuss their problems well
6. They are satisfied with the affection they show and receive in the marriage
7. There is a good balance of time alone and together
8. Family and friends rarely interfere
9. Partners agree on how to spend money
10. Partners agree on spiritual beliefs

Olson states the research  found the strongest couples are those who have strong communication skills, a clear sense of closeness as a couple, flexibility, personal compatibility, and good conflict resolution skills.

“In strong marriages, there is a balance between separateness and togetherness,” Olson said. “These couples make togetherness a top priority, ask each other for help, enjoy doing things together, and spend most of their free time together.”

Olson’s research identified some common factors in the relationship roles in strong marriages. “Both were equally willing to make adjustments in their roles as needed, both were satisfied with the division of housework, both work hard to have an equal relationship, and they make most decisions jointly,” he said.

Partners in strong marriages have strong communication skills, Olson found. The happiest couples said they were satisfied with the way they communicate, find it easy to express their feelings, and find their partner to be a good listener. They share that their partner doesn’t use put-downs.

Conflict resolution skills are crucial. In strong marriages, both partners feel that their partner understands their positions, that they feel free to share their feelings and ideas, that they take disagreements seriously, and that they work cooperatively to resolve conflicts.

Finding time and energy to invest in strengthening your marriage relationship is an important, yet often, overwhelming task. Understanding the importance of making your marriage a priority is a great start.  Very often, couples learn how use conflict and challenges in their marriage to provide opportunities for greater intimacy with one another and experience much higher marital satisfaction!  With effort, new tools and information, it is possible to build a strong and lasting marriage. 

For more helpful articles on marriage and family life go to: www.wyofams.org. The Wyoming Healthy Marriage Initiative, For Ever After!